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The Pillow Princess - what makes her special?

A Pillow Princess is a woman who would rather enjoy sex than actively give pleasure back. That doesn't have to be a bad thing. None the less, this term is often used to describe the sexual preferences of the woman in question.

How long has the Pillow Princess name been around?

The term comes from the English-speaking world. It goes back to the evolving sexual openness of the '90s. Back then, the Pillow Princess in particular stood out. Women had been encouraged by their peers and the media to be adventurous, frivolous and open in bed. The Pillow Princess is different. She enjoys herself and is passive. What is meant by “Pillow Princess”, is the comfortable leaning back and lying in bed. A princess. Such a person is spoiled and does not like to work.

In what context does the Pillow Princess appear?

The term is best known in lesbian and LGBTQ+ circles. The Pillow Princess is also used in heterosexual partnerships and in affairs between a man and a woman. What is meant is sexual behavior, primarily during oral sex. The Pillow Princess likes to receive, but is hesitant or reluctant when it comes to being active and making her partner happy. In everyday life, the Pillow Princess lets other people take the lead. She is very much wait and see and prefers to see what happens instead of taking the lead herself.

A Princess Forever?

Passivity in bed doesn't have to be a permanent state. It depends on the experience and thirst for adventure, and to what extent and how quickly a lady becomes more active during sex. Many young women are reserved, but when they are older they know what they want. If your partner falls under the Pillow Princess category, there's no reason to despair. The subject should be addressed without making accusations.

Is it bad to be a pillow princess?

Pillow Princess has a negative connotation as a term. The term is associated with laziness and comfort. A pillow princess is meant to be boring and deny her bedmate sexual reciprocity. This basic assumption is dangerous for the self-determination of people. Sex therapists have been encouraging us for decades to better understand our own preferences and what we enjoy most about sex. If a Pillow Princess enjoys most of all to be passive and she has a suitable partner, then it is not a problem and does not have to change. With no internal or external pressure, most ladies discover that being active is fun. However, some women are not aware that they are too reserved for their partners. A subtle, friendly note without pressure is fine. Role-playing games can also be useful. When her partner is tied up and blindfolded, the Pillow Princess has no other choice than to take on the dominant role herself. With a bit of luck, she will discover that it can be nice to decide for yourself and to treat the other person according to your own ideas and wishes.

Am I a princess in bed?

It can be difficult to judge yourself. The following questions will help:

Do I sometimes take the first step in sex?
Do I occasionally give oral sex?
Do I prefer to lie down?
Do I move a lot during sex, or do I prefer to lie down?
Am I also reserved and wait-and-see in everyday life?
Has anyone ever called me a Pillow Princess?

These points are not to be understood as a rating. They just help you get to know yourself better. Since the term has a rather negative connotation, a different self-designation can be more useful. Possible alternatives:

bon vivant
let me pamper you
relaxed and without any pressure to perform

My partner is a Pillow Princess and I'm unhappy about it

There's a reason why Pillow Princess is a rather negative term. Pillow Princesses bedmates are dissatisfied when they use this term. You sometimes want to take the passive position yourself and meet a partner who doesn't allow it. Therein lies a wounded ego. The Pillow Princess' wait-and-see attitude can appear as if she has no deep and genuine interest in sex. Perhaps the impression is created that she does not find her counterpart attractive. That's not the case. It is important to refrain from injured vanity and, in relation to the Pillow Princess, to see sex for what it should be, namely having fun together. Criticism is inappropriate and may cause the Pillow Princess to become even more passive. In the worst case, she will eventually reject joint adventures altogether.

Pillow Princess - try a lifestyle

Many women are anything but a pillow princess. They are used to being assertive and confident and giving a lot during sex. That can be exhausting. It's worth considering whether the Pillow Princess is a good example. Leaning back and relaxing in a soft bed and only receiving and giving nothing is something every woman should try once. Knowing how to let go, the Pillow Princess is a role model for those of us who think too much of others.

Recognize the pillow princess on the first date

It is not easy to identify a pillow princess on a first date, not without at least some uncertainty. A passive and wait-and-see behavior in everyday life does not have to mean that the woman is also reserved in bed. It becomes easier when it comes to the first more intimate contacts. If she initiates the first kiss, talks openly about her sexual preferences or the initial touches come from her, she is less likely to be a pillow princess.

The Advantages and Disadvantages of the Pillow Princess

The Pillow Princess as a partner or bed playmate has her advantages and disadvantages. A major disadvantage is that the Pillow Princess is reluctant to give oral sex. Anyone who likes this type of game will have a hard time with it. In addition, dealing with a Pillow Princess requires a stable self-confidence in order not to interpret the wait-and-see attitude as rejection. On the other hand, the princess appeals to those who prefer to give themselves. Their reluctance can be seen as dominance, the giving partner is in the serving, submissive role. Additionally, some Pillow Princesses return the joys experienced in other ways. When it's not in bed, she might enjoy cooking or doing the housework by herself. In general, partnering with a Pillow Princess shouldn't be a problem - she's special, as all princesses are.