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Polygender and Polydating

Most people have heard the terms “Polygender” and “Poly dating”. But what does this even mean? What does gender identity mean and how does dating work? When it comes to the polygender phenomenon, dating works differently. And not only that, there are also differences from other terms and special behavior in a polygamous relationship.

Polygender: what does it mean?

People who have multiple gender identities at the same time, alternately or at different times are referred to as polygender. Gender diversity includes female, male, intersex and other gender forms. The term polygender is also known under the synonym “pangender” (unisex). People with multiple genders do not commit themselves to a specific identity. Accordingly, the term polygender is made up of the words “poly” (many, several) and “gender” (sex). It is important to strictly separate it from poly dating, which does not refer to one's own gender identity.

The term "omnigender" is also used synonymously with “polygender” and also describes a person who has multiple gender identities. Only 0.2 percent of respondents to the 2020 Gender Census - a special survey - said they were more polygender. In 2021, the survey did not capture the term pangender, polygender, or omnigender.

Distinction from the terms pansexual, polysexual and omnisexual

The term “pansexual” differs from the polygender gender identity in that pansexuals do not refer to a specific gender. Pansexual people are attracted to men, women, transgender, hermaphrodite, or intersex people. So it's not about one's own gender identity, but rather the love for other people.

Polysexual, on the other hand, refers to people who are attracted to multiple (but not all) gender identities. The terms omnisexual and bisexual are often mentioned in unison. However, the term “omnisexual” describes a sexual attraction to all people regardless of gender and thus without a preference for a specific gender identity. Omnisexual people do not commit themselves to a specific gender, but still perceive the different genders.

For example, while pansexuality focuses on values and personality traits and gender identity is insignificant, people with omnisexual orientation have different preferences for different genders.

Poly Dating in the context of polygender

Just because a person has a polygender gender identity, it does not necessarily mean that they are also multi-gender attracted or in a polyamorous relationship. The decision depends on the individual's preferences and is not determined by gender identification. Polygender people can live in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships. However, when polygender people are actively engaged in poly dating, they are dating more than one person at a time.

What does poly dating mean?

Poly dating refers to a person's dating activity with more than one person while in a committed relationship or married. Thus, poly dating is a subset of polyamory. In polyamory there is a binding relationship with several people. Unlike open relationships, in a polyamorous relationship everyone knows about each other and there are no secrets. Polyamorous people have the feeling that one partner cannot make them happy in the long run and therefore have a relationship with several people at the same time.

Poly dating differs from polyamory in this respect. This is a form of dating so that no permanent, committed relationship is entered into apart from the “primary” relationship. Some people poly date multiple people while still engaged in their “primary” relationship. However, poly dating can also take place without a primary relationship if those affected meet with a person over a longer period of time, but do not want to describe this as a permanent relationship or commit themselves.

Do's and don'ts in a polygamous relationship

As in any relationship, there are dos and don'ts in a polygamous relationship or in poly dating. People who want to have a happy polygamous relationship need to keep a few things in mind. With the help of communication, affection and trust, even polygamous relationships can be made happy and lasting.

Do's:

Anyone who actively shows their love to their partner gives loving attention. At the same time, however, everyday contacts between the participants can also be sought. Active appreciation can help assure that the relationship is not compromised by the new person(s) and that the bond with the primary partner is still intact. In a polygamous relationship, fidelity means that everyone involved knows about the other person. The rules that are established in the relationship are therefore binding, even if you meet several people. Thus, honesty comes first and forms the basis of the relationship model. People living in a polygamous relationship should make time for their partner. Therefore, time agreements are of great relevance.

Anyone living in a polygamous relationship can say “stop” when new agreements are made that they are not or no longer comfortable with. Therefore, everyone involved should always communicate their feelings openly. The limits are individual and must be bindingly defined in agreement with all those involved. Therefore, open communication is key for people in poly dating to avoid problems.

Don'ts:

Especially in the beginning of the relationship, it can happen that the partner feels neglected in the permanent relationship or gets too little attention. The experiences with the married partner or the steady relationship are often ordinary and less exciting than the new encounters. Nevertheless, the permanent partner should still feel safe and loved in the relationship. Therefore, those affected must not lose sight of their partner and must continue to give them affection and attention. A no-go in a polygamous relationship is dishonesty and lies. When entering into a polyamorous relationship, those involved agree that other people can be met. Lies and secret fraud are also stress factors in this type of relationship, which endanger the relationship.

The fears and insecurities of those involved should always be voiced. When those affected talk about their ambivalent feelings, they will be understood. Before starting a polygamous relationship, everyone involved should be aware of their values and communicate them openly. When a conversation is misinterpreted, conflicts often arise. Equal communication should therefore be ensured so that the polygamous relationship can work.